Hair of the (Sub-humanoid Entity) Dog
Observation Team 641 - Longshore Reservoir Park
Routine Dispatch - Day 2
The Being I and The Being H'kila have commenced exploration of Longshore Reservoir. We experienced an adverse incident when The Being H'kila rested her form against vegetation that proved to be weaponized with spines.
OT641 suggests to Central Information Repository that a botanical counter be designed into the Annexing Corps’ armour.
Routine Dispatch - Day 3
Longshore Reservoir appears to be an aqueous body surrounded by vegetation. Humanoids are present at a low density suggesting Reservoir is a non-integral humanoid observation zone.
Primary humanoid activities at Reservoir seem to be terrestrial and aquatic locomotion. Nutritional intake of a beverage known as Beer seems frequent.
Routine Dispatch - Day 5
The Being H'kila has experienced another adverse incident. Despite our invisibility, it appears that a sub-humanoid entity known as Dog was able to smell or otherwise sense our presence. Dog followed The Being H'kila and made repeated threatening vocalisations.
Although our kind can successfully evade the humanoids’ defensive technology, Dog might prove to be a concern if humanoids are able to communicate with it.
Routine Dispatch - Day 6
Today, OT641 studied a seated humanoid male consuming the beverage known as Beer. Having consumed eight units, the humanoid experienced an adverse event involving the abrupt ejection of fluid from his oral cavity. The Being H'kila, positioned too close to the humanoid, received the fluid on her Being.
The Being H'kila has now requested a transfer to Observation Team 46 aboard the New York City A Train on account of suffering frequent adverse events at Longshore Reservoir Park.
This is a sound and logical decision. As commuters are passive participants united by the goal of arriving at their chosen destinations, the probability of adverse events occurring aboard the New York City A Train is negligible.
Routine Dispatch - Day 9
The Being I observed a humanoid male ingesting the beverage Beer while performing the activity Fishing. The accompanying juvenile was not permitted to consume any. This, in conjunction with The Being H’kila’s adverse experience three Sol cycles ago, indicates toxicity in the beverage known as Beer.
The humanoid juvenile was observed to consume a processed organic material known as Jelly Bean. Possibly due to substandard fine motor coordination, the juvenile dropped one unit of Jelly Bean to the ground.
The Being I conducted chemical analysis of Jelly Bean via cellular assimilation. No adverse events were experienced. Quite the opposite. Although the organic matter known as Jelly Bean seems devoid of worthwhile nutriment, it inspires a desire for repeated consumption.
OT641 suggests to Central Information Repository that all humanoids responsible for the continued creation of the processed organic non-nutritional material Jelly Bean should be permitted post-annexation survival.
The humanoid preoccupation with the ingestion of the toxic beverage known as Beer merits research.
PRIORITY DISPATCH - DAY 12
Observation of audiovisual data on a female humanoid’s Communication Apparatus has revealed urgent information about Dog that may affect our annexation of Earth. A male humanoid with the Employment status of Whisperer is capable of communication with Dog.
OT641 recommends immediate termination of the indicated humanoid.
Routine Dispatch - Day 19
Today, The Being I observed the humanoid mating ritual conducted in an area known as Beach next to the reservoir.
The ritual commenced with the intake of the beverage known as Beer. The participants communicated their aesthetic appreciation for the reduction in light caused by the relative motion of Sol and Earth. The male humanoid vocalised his admiration for the female’s sex characteristics. This was accompanied by a summary surface exploration of the physiologies, followed by a brief intermingling of the physiologies. The ritual ended with the orally-controlled ignition of dehydrated vegetal matter known as Spliff and further consumption of the beverage Beer.
The rationale for astronomical discussion as an aspect of the mating process remains unclear. Additionally, research into the frequent ingestion of the toxic beverage Beer is becoming an urgent priority.
PRIORITY DISPATCH - DAY 28
The Being I procured one unit of the beverage Beer today. Cellular assimilation was done. No adverse events. None.
Central Information Repository, are you seeing these surface reflections of Luna on Reservoir? The interplay of light and fluid dynamics merits examination.
Also while you’re listening, CIR, add the humanoids responsible for making the beverage Beer to our post-annexation survival list. Jelly Bean humanoids worthwhile. Beer humanoids indisputably worthwhile.
The Being I wonders if Beer is consumed by humanoids on the New York City A Train being observed by The Being H’kila. Probably not. The constant shifts in acceleration would make ingestion challenging.
Right. OT641 will now attempt procurement of additional units of Beer. As these humanoids vocalise, so long, CIR.
Routine Dispatch - Day 29
OT641 apologises for raising a non-essential Priority Dispatch.
That stated, The Being I has now achieved a complete and instinctive understanding of the frequent humanoid consumption of Beer, especially during the activities Fishing, Mating and Sitting. The beverage known as Beer heightens the meaningfulness of these activities within the consciousness, elevating the routine. It seems also to catalyse an appreciation for the mundane, as evidenced by The Being I’s reaction to photons reflecting off Reservoir.
This prioritisation of sensory experience over nutriment seems a distinguishing characteristic of the humanoid consciousness. It seems illogical that the species places greater emphasis on transient positive sensation than on enduring growth, yet they clearly do. To this end, humanoids have developed a range of non-nutritional sensation enhancers, each with its own distinctive effect, such as Jelly Bean and the beverage Beer.
OT641 will continue field investigations by procuring the orally-controlled ignition of dehydrated vegetal matter known as Spliff. Research into the simultaneous use of Spliff, Beer and Jelly Bean is indicated.
One last thing, CIR, would you happen to have something to palliate the cognicortex? Oh my cognicortex.
(NYCMidnight 2021 Flash Fiction Round 2 Winner)