The Devil Is In The Details

They laughed when I set up the drive-thru. Old Beelzey had snickered,"What's next? A hair salon? You could call it Hell Toupée!" 

I rolled my eyes at the memory. Everyone’s a joker.

Heck, even The Penthouse had gotten in on the ribbing. Gabriel had come through right after the grand opening and had ordered a Holy Water. Insufferable twat thought he was being so clever. Well, any water he touched turned holy anyway, so I sold the wanker regular water. Prince of Darkness 1, His Arseholiness 0.

The thing is, none of them understood the simple genius behind my idea - 

Humans love drive-thrus. 

Yep, love ‘em. Humans will happily go miles out of their way for a drive-thru. They will buy whatever you're selling - willingly - if it can be delivered through the window of their automobile.

This, if only the rest of my gang had the foresight to recognise it, was free will. Free will, as far as the eye could see.

And therefore, perfectly permissible by the rules of the Old One’s Eternal Plan For Everything. 

So I set up the drive-thru. And the people came. Some ordered looks, some riches, some revenge. They rolled down their windows and I gave them their heart's desire.

And charged them, of course. One soul. 

No need for thinking up wiles, for pulling strings, for deception. Just slap on a drive-thru sign and the quarry lined up before you. You had to love humanity that way - a grasping, predictable bunch but efficiently organised. 

I smiled as I watched a car drive up.

"Welcome to Lucy's Temptations. How can I tempt you today?”