Matthew 19:6

“What to do, what to do?” Jesus mused as he surveyed the children playing below in the sandlot. Chewing his lower lip, He turned to contemplate the Others. Ganesha, a laddoo in each of His many arms, was hovering with Lao Tsu. Buddha floated in serene conversation with Thor and a monstrous tentacled humanoid dragon. Yahwe...

Wait, what? Thor and...Cthulhu? Who sent for Them? Jesus scrutinised the children again. Must be that gangly kid with the comic books in his backpack. You never knew what to expect with teenagers.

They had all, of course, been summoned by the kids’ prayers.

“Oh please, let me get that red marble. It looks so cool!”

“I want to win! Please don’t let me get caught!”

“I hope she’ll kiss me if I show her my first issue collection. They’re mint, for Christ’s sake!”

Mundane, generic schlock mostly, but showing up and deciding whether to grant the request was the job. I mean, the volume of prayers that would pile up if They didn’t show? Woof.

Humans don’t realise that every wish of theirs, every desire, every hope, every yearning counts as a prayer. A god is basically a fairy godmother, minus the wand and poofy gown. If a person says “I want some pie”, someone has to grant that, see? Dad might be the one doing the actual baking, but who decides whether the desire should be made tangible? The gods, naturally. Humanity believes in free will. Bless their hearts.

And so the gods concocted the PU – the Pantheistic Union – to streamline things.

Prayers would come in for a god. Some prayers, They would deal with. Others, maybe They didn’t feel like handling, or They’d had enough for the day, or They couldn’t stand that human, whatever. Those prayers would get exported to another god. I mean, just because Johnny Christian sent Him a prayer, it didn’t mean He had to fill in personally. Any of the Lot could. Even Cthulhu, if His Noodliness felt up to it.

Jesus’s deliberations were interrupted by a commotion below. Two kids playing Catch had crashed into the marble players. Amidst the confusion, BaggyPants pocketed the red marble.

Ooo! Naughty naughty! That’s one way to answer a prayer. Jesus eyed the other gods wondering Who’d done it. He winced as a wail echoed, articulating Rahul’s discovery that his Red Queen was missing. It’s just a marble, kid. Sheesh.

But yeah, the PU? It worked. Trading prayers allowed the gods to collectively grow stronger, without any one god getting too big for His divine britches. (Note to self – keep an eye on this Cthulhu situation.)

I mean, look at Thor. Sure, He’s standing there now flexing His pecs at Buddha, but before that? People had stopped praying to Him. He’d nearly winked out of existence. But a handful of nerdy kids read one too many graphic novels, and bam! Hello Mr Mjolnir!

And now the PU would help ensure He stuck around.

Having a prayer granted by Someone – Anyone - rather than ignored by their specific deity, made humans happy, gave them hope. Which meant more prayers - the raison d'être for divinity. So yes, better for the pantheon to farm out prayers that They couldn’t or didn’t want to handle.

Jesus watched as the comic book kid swallowed a vitamin pill. Any second now. Aaaaand...there it was. “Please make me more muscular so she’ll kiss me, God.”

All yours, Odinson.

Then there was the access issue. Like for the Nature Spirit gods. You put all the assorted indigenous tribes together, even chuck in those newfangled Wiccan ladies who burn incense, and They had, what? Ninety thousand humans? At nearly two and a half billion Christians, He had access to so much more of humanity. It was good for all the - don’t tell Them He’d said this - piddling little gods to have exposure to a larger prayer population. Gave Them more practice.

Also the PU allowed for free divine movement. Religion and location are often tied. Being able to pass prayers around allowed gods to get in a change of scenery. When You’ve been a deity for millennia already with untold millennia stretching ahead of You, anything that makes existence more varied is worth looking forward to. Travel broadens minds, even divine ones.

Below Them, little Rahul’s tantrum was reaching its crescendo. “I hate you, whoever you are! I hope you die!” Yikes. He wasn’t touching that one.

But the Pantheistic Union, beneficial as it was, had detractors. In fact, Judas and Peter had been getting on His case about leaving the PU.

“It’s demeaning that You must follow another deity’s ruleset to answer prayers directed at Them. Your commandments shouldn’t be upstaged just because you’re assisting Them. It’s insulting that You must change Your ways!” Judas had hissed into His ears just that morning.

“And You shouldn’t be sending out so many prayers to the Others anyway,” Peter had added. “You’re giving the Baha’i millions of prayers and what do they give you in return? A paltry few hundred? It’s not equitable, O Lamb of God! The smaller Players get so much more out of this than You do.”

Troublemakers, both of them. He knew that. But...they weren’t exactly wrong, were they? He and all the other Big Kahunas gave the PU much more than They got. Was that a bad thing, though?

And so He was stuck. Remain or Jexit. WWJD? Yeah, right. If only He knew.

Lost in thought, Jesus flicked an indifferent finger. Down in the sandlot, Comic Book Kid found himself in liplock with the girl of his dreams and it rocked his hormone-crazed young world. Who needs muscles when you have mint first issues, he thought.

As he moved in for another kiss, someone screamed. BaggyPants had collapsed. A crimson marble, fire glinting in its depths, rolled out of his little fist onto the ground.

Far above, titanic ethereal tentacles writhed in ecstasy across the heavens. Prayers answered.

(NYCMidnight 2021 Flash Fiction Round 3 Entry)