A Chat With God

Hello, human, I'm God. And you are? 

Please, there's no need to kneel. A creation owes no debt to its creator. Not like you had a choice in the matter eh? Just grab a seat. Coffee? 

Lovely weather today. Statistically averaged across the planet, of course. A hurricane forming that might wipe out the Maldives but Shimla is great this time of year. 

Oh now, you can't expect me to faff around with the climate. I did the Trade Winds and the Gulf Stream and all that guff just so the business would be automated. Very fiddly, weather. Very fiddly. 

Well, I mean, yes, people will die. But that's  the whole point, isn't it? 

Oh, that was badly put. I don't mean the point is to kill people, per se. Just, you know, death, the circle of life, entropy, all that. Hakuna matata eh? 

I’m afraid you’re right - it is easy for me to say. That’s divinity for you - one loses track of the little stuff.

Why do I hide from humanity? You certainly ask a lot of questions. No, I'm not hiding. Aren’t there all those religions about me on Earth? God this, smite that, temples, carols, hot yoga, whatnot. Everybody knows I exist. 

Really? That many doubters? Well, I never. You leave things for a little bit and they stop throwing virgins into volcanoes. Just goes to show you never know with humans.

It's true. I have let things run on a little with you people. You know how it is. 

Oh, you don't? Well, being God is sort of like being a teacher. You have your students, see? You do your bit for them and you wish them well at the end of the year and you send them off. Some of them come back to say hello but it's "have a nice life" with most of them, isn't it? I've done my bit for you lot and it'd be lovely if you got on with it. 

And speaking of getting on with it, would you look at the time? Let’s wind things up eh?

Oh goodness me, no! Sorry about the confusion! I didn’t mean that in an apocalyptic sort of way. That would be a bit heavy-handed! No, you lot will have that covered next year anyway. I just meant meeting you, specifically. You take care now. Enjoy your lifetime!